I had always viewed anxiety like a choice \u2013 you can choose to worry \u2026 or not! <\/i>But in the fall of 2022, \u201canxiety\u201d took on new meaning for me. It didn\u2019t feel like a choice so much as an affliction. No matter what I did \u2013 exercise, prayer, meditation \u2013 the chest pain persisted.<\/p>\n
I started seeing a Grace counselor, and it\u2019s not an exaggeration to say meeting with her changed my life. Here are five of my biggest takeaways you can begin applying today to reduce stress in 2023.<\/p>\n
A lot of things in life come down to preference. We become anxious and stressed when we draw negative conclusions about ourselves based on non-moral issues. For example, if you were raised to value a tidy home, you might be stressed when your house is messy because a tape inside your head says, \u201cI\u2019m such a failure for letting it get this bad!\u201d<\/p>\n
Pay attention to your thoughts.<\/b> Are you pressuring yourself to live up to a standard God never asked you to uphold?<\/p>\n
You\u2019re not \u201cundisciplined\u201d because you prefer<\/i> to read your Bible in the evening instead of waking up at 5a like so-and-so. You\u2019re not \u201cirresponsible\u201d because you have a higher tolerance for messy work spaces, or gas needles that teeter below empty, or phone batteries that are never fully charged. Develop a heightened awareness to matters of preference, <\/i>and excuse yourself from judgment over them.<\/p>\nDon\u2019t Sweat Your Child\u2019s Performance<\/h4>\n
Guess what? Performance isn\u2019t a good indicator of a child\u2019s future success. Making \u201cA\u2019s\u201d doesn\u2019t mean your kid is a hard-worker who will have a successful career, just as making \u201cC\u2019s\u201d doesn\u2019t mean they\u2019re destined for poverty. Grades, sports, popularity, keeping a tidy room, all the extracurriculars \u2026 it matters very (very) little.<\/p>\n
Do you know what IS a good indicator of a child\u2019s future success and wholeness? <\/b>Interpersonal skills. Does your child know how to give and receive love? Are they kind? Do they know how to share their feelings and communicate their needs? These are much better benchmarks for determining future wellbeing.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re a parent stressed to the max, step back and assess your schedule. Is it overflowing with commitments for the sake of your child\u2019s performance? Which commitments could you drop as you move into 2023?<\/p>\n
Look inward \u2013 are you anxious about performance-related issues? Are you pressuring your child to excel at everything? Remind yourself that ultimately a 4.0, or a perfect softball pitch, doesn\u2019t really matter. Save emotional energy for the things that DO matter.<\/p>\n
You know those little things that bother you throughout the day, but you just kind of ignore? It could be a comment that stings or a negative interaction with a friend. You might find yourself mulling over it before bed, or sense it festering a few days later. That\u2019s a \u201cstuck point,\u201d and it\u2019s worth examining because it\u2019s likely fueling some of the stress and unrest in your life.<\/p>\n
This was my favorite analogy in therapy:<\/b> Imagine you are a closet. There are hangers inside the closet that represent beliefs you\u2019ve acquired about yourself. Things only \u201cstick\u201d if we have somewhere to hang them.<\/p>\n
For example, pretend Lucy turns in a project and her boss says, \u201cThank goodness you finished on time.\u201d Later, he says the same thing to Julie, who doesn\u2019t think twice about it. Julie takes the comment at face value, assuming her boss really needed the project pronto.<\/p>\n
But not Lucy. She stews over the comment, wondering why her boss said, \u201cThank goodness YOU finished on time.\u201d<\/p>\n
Why does the comment bother Lucy but not Julie? Because Lucy has somewhere to hang it. She has a little hanger inside her closet that says, \u201cI\u2019m unreliable.\u201d (This hanger probably came from a childhood experience or multiple experiences where she was either told she was unreliable or something happened that made her draw that conclusion.) Now there\u2019s proof to reinforce that belief \u2013 \u201cSee, my boss thinks so, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
We rarely pause to consider the deepest beliefs we harbor about ourselves. But if we can become aware of them by paying attention to our \u201cstuck points,\u201d we can begin to challenge them.<\/p>\n
You\u2019ve probably seen the popular illustration where someone fills a jar with sand, then demonstrates how big rocks can\u2019t fit inside the jar. However, if you put the rocks in first, the sand fits around the rocks. People often use this analogy to talk about priorities. My counselor used it to talk about the difference between facts and feelings.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s revisit Lucy, who\u2019s still fretting over her boss\u2019s comment. Her feelings are so big, there\u2019s no room for the \u201crocks,\u201d which are the facts. Imagine she takes a deep breath and chooses to examine the facts. She notes things like, \u201cI\u2019ve never actually missed a deadline. My boss didn\u2019t explicitly say I\u2019m unreliable\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Once the facts are in place, Lucy can get curious about her feelings. She might ask, \u201cWhy did this bother me so much? What emotions did it trigger? What are those emotions telling me?\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s good to process feelings, but we must always start with facts. Facts reveal truth<\/b>, which is crucial because ultimately it\u2019s the truth that sets us free (John 8:32).<\/p>\nDo Something<\/h4>\n
One of the recurring themes I noticed in therapy was a call to action. After you\u2019ve examined facts, it\u2019s good to listen to your emotions. It\u2019s even better to identify what they\u2019re telling you. But if you never take action based on that knowledge, nothing will ever change.<\/p>\n
If sadness is telling you that you feel disconnected, how can you move toward connection? If guilt is telling you that you\u2019ve done something wrong, how can you make it right? If discontentment is telling you that your life doesn\u2019t look the way you want it to look, is there a step you can take toward fulfilling some of your God-honoring desires?[\/vc_column_text][divider line_type=”Small Line” line_alignment=”center” line_thickness=”2″ divider_color=”accent-color” animate=”yes”][vc_column_text]\n
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