{"id":111241,"date":"2023-05-31T13:03:51","date_gmt":"2023-05-31T17:03:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/discovergrace.com\/?p=109618"},"modified":"2023-09-19T15:51:11","modified_gmt":"2023-09-19T19:51:11","slug":"leading-your-kids-through-suffering","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/discovergrace.com\/leading-your-kids-through-suffering\/","title":{"rendered":"Leading Your Kids Through Suffering"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><script src=\"https:\/\/static.elfsight.com\/platform\/platform.js\" data-use-service-core defer><\/script><\/p>\n<div class=\"elfsight-app-8e32c3c2-46e8-4b37-ba89-a508fac1574d\"><\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The only way through, is through.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m told a brave woman once spoke those words \u2013 a woman who lost her spouse to suicide, and eventually, lost her own life to cancer. Her best friend said this was one of her mantras, a phrase she repeated often as she fought (and won) the battle for joy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cThe only way through, is through,\u201d <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">she\u2019d say.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Recently, I found myself quoting her while on the phone with another woman. I had no words of my own, having never walked through the particular sorrow we were discussing. So I borrowed words from beyond the grave, words from a beautiful soul I\u2019ve never even met.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is the nature of courage. Like a human pyramid, we climb onto the shoulders of those who\u2019ve gone before us, drawing strength from their survival. If I\u2019m honest, for most of my life, I\u2019ve been the lightweight on the top of the pyramid \u2013 fully dependent on the stronger people below me. I still call my mom and dad whenever life gets hard. My best friend, too.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hold me up! <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I don\u2019t actually say that, but they do. They strengthen me with their scars. They promise me this suffering will not destroy me, and they pray me back to hope. As my kids grow, I can feel them testing the strength of <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">my<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> shoulders, and at times it terrifies me. How did I end up on the bottom of this pyramid? How did <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">become a pillar of support for such precious human beings? The stakes seem so high. I want to be rock solid, but I feel alarmingly fragile.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h1><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Power of Emotional Containment<\/span><\/h1>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Through therapy, I\u2019m learning that parents are to be a container for their children\u2019s emotions. We\u2019re not supposed to ignore their big feelings, quickly \u201cfix\u201d them, suppress them, or absorb them. <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We\u2019re supposed to contain them, <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">which means we provide a safe space for our kids to feel everything they need to feel \u2026 even when those feelings trigger our own fear, rage, or hysteria.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is the real issue \u2013 in order to be strong enough to support someone else, you have to be strong enough to confront your own junk. You have to be honest about the way their suffering sparks your buried pain. You have to be willing to face that pain, to do the hard work of processing it, believing there\u2019s something beautiful on the other side.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The only way through, is through.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Pain can\u2019t be circumnavigated. It has to be faced with the power and presence of Jesus. Once you\u2019ve walked that dark path, and lived to boast in Christ\u2019s faithfulness, it\u2019s a little less scary to watch your child set off on their own painful path. You can\u2019t promise it won\u2019t hurt. But you can promise they won\u2019t walk alone, they won\u2019t be destroyed, and they won\u2019t be the same on the other side.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h1><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Secret to Being Strong Enough<\/span><\/h1>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">By the way, this whole \u201ccontainment\u201d thing doesn\u2019t work both ways. (That\u2019s another thing I learned in therapy.) We contain our kids\u2019 emotions, but they shouldn\u2019t be responsible for containing ours. They shouldn\u2019t have to stuff their feelings because Mom or Dad can\u2019t handle it. They get to be on the top of the pyramid \u2013 drawing stability from our steadfastness.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even if we have to fake it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is not something I learned in therapy; this I learned through trial by fire: Sometimes as you\u2019re becoming who you want to be in the future, you have to fake it in the present. I\u2019ll never forget holding my daughter late one night as she sobbed over a terrible situation beyond our control. In her deep pain she began to name some of my own greatest fears. I could feel the pyramid crumbling \u2013 feel my own panic threatening to consume.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So I faked it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I squeezed her as tightly as I could, and with total confidence I said, \u201cYou are going to be just fine. All of this is so, so normal. It\u2019s okay to be heartbroken. You cry as long as you want. God\u2019s got you, and so do I.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Meanwhile, deep down I was begging God, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cPlease, let it be so! Make me strong. Make me who she needs me to be.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Maybe that\u2019s faking it. Or maybe that\u2019s just what life looks like in the middle of the pyramid \u2013 holding our kids up, as God holds us. We won\u2019t walk the path perfectly, and we don\u2019t have to. We just have to keep trusting Jesus, and keep walking.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The only way through, is through.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Take your next step toward Christ and community right <\/span><\/i><a href=\"http:\/\/discovergrace.com\/next\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">here<\/span><\/i><\/a><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Read more from Jeanne Harrison:<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/discovergrace.com\/for-angry-moms-only\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For Angry Moms Only<\/span><\/i><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/i><\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/discovergrace.com\/on-a-rainy-day-in-china\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">On a Rainy Day in China<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/discovergrace.com\/the-myth-of-the-ideal-woman\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Myth of the Ideal Woman<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; The only way through, is through.\u00a0 I\u2019m told a brave woman once spoke those words \u2013 a woman who lost her spouse to suicide, and eventually, lost her own&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":29,"featured_media":111627,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,95,90,96,37,97,87,46,102,106],"tags":[],"post_folder":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-111241","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-christian-life","8":"category-doubt","9":"category-exodus","10":"category-family","11":"category-family-ministry","12":"category-gospel","13":"category-leadership","14":"category-magazine","15":"category-parenting","16":"category-spiritual-growth"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - 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