{"id":80455,"date":"2019-02-03T10:04:41","date_gmt":"2019-02-03T15:04:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.discover-grace.flywheelsites.com\/?p=80455"},"modified":"2019-02-03T10:04:41","modified_gmt":"2019-02-03T15:04:41","slug":"dating-your-spouse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/discovergrace.com\/dating-your-spouse\/","title":{"rendered":"Dating Your Spouse"},"content":{"rendered":"

One of the scariest things about intimacy is that it\u2019s not inevitable. Two people can live together for decades, learn virtually everything about one another, and still not be intimate. That\u2019s because intimacy is about connection more than knowledge. There is an unassuming verse, tucked in the Old Testament, that proves intimacy requires investment: \u201cIf a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married\u201d (Deuteronomy 24:5). Ladies, how would you like to see that on a Hobby Lobby sign? Just think\u2014when a woman gives birth, we give her twelve weeks of maternity leave to get acquainted with her baby. Once upon a time, men were given <\/span>one year<\/span><\/i> to get acquainted with their wives. One year to focus solely on marriage, learning how to bring happiness to their spouse. <\/span>
\nObviously we live in a different cultural context. But the baseline principal\u2014that intimacy requires investment\u2014is still true. So how do we cultivate intimacy in our day and age? How do we connect with our spouse through the varying seasons of a marriage? It stands to reason that if marriage is constantly changing, our approach to dating should too. Allow me to introduce a few dating practices we\u2019ve adopted through the years\u2026<\/span>
\n <\/p>\n

The Work Date<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Some would say you shouldn\u2019t talk about work on a date. But there was a season when we didn\u2019t just talk about work, we had work dates. I was in seminary, balancing a full course load with a part-time job as a student pastor. Jeanne was a brand new teacher, up to her eyeballs in lesson plans. So every Saturday morning we had a standing date at Barnes and Noble. We chatted, sipped coffee, and worked. <\/span>
\nIf you\u2019re in a busy season of life with high demands at work, how could you welcome your spouse into your work life? Sometimes it\u2019s as simple as praying together about that big project. Or sharing your honest insecurities. My wife has taken an interest in every job I\u2019ve ever had. She\u2019s attended youth retreats and carwash seminars. She\u2019s prayed me through speaking to hundreds of people and fixing broken hydraulic lines. On the flip side, I\u2019ve read her books and listened to stories about her sixth graders, and preached in chapel at her school. Connecting with your spouse means entering their unique world.<\/span>
\n <\/p>\n

The Wean-iversary <\/span><\/h4>\n

Shortly after having our first child, Jeanne came to me one day with a crazed look in her eyes. \u201cI need to get out of town,\u201d she said. \u201cI know I\u2019m nursing so we can\u2019t get away for a while, but when she\u2019s weaned, I want to go out of town.\u201d <\/span>
\n\u201cDeal,\u201d I said. <\/span>
\nThus, the wean-iversary was born. Every time we have a new baby, we book a vacation a year in advance, so we can look forward to it all year long while we\u2019re not sleeping.<\/span>
\nDuring the little years, the greatest deficits in a marriage are time and rest. We\u2019re still in this stage, so we highly prioritize time away from the kids to rest and reconnect. We don\u2019t buy each other birthday or anniversary gifts\u2014we get out of town together. If you\u2019re in the thick of child-rearing, how can you prioritize time alone with your spouse? No matter how much toddlers cry when you say good-bye, they won\u2019t remember the dates you take with your spouse. But you will. <\/span>
\n <\/p>\n

The Wow Date<\/span><\/h4>\n

Wow dates are easy when you\u2019re dating. We go to ridiculous lengths to surprise and romance someone when we\u2019re trying to win them over. But wow dates become more meaningful through the years, because they\u2019re unexpected. It\u2019s easy to sweep a teenage girl off her feet in high school. But to sweep your wife of twenty years off her feet? To surprise her? That\u2019s a challenge. In his book, <\/span>Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God, <\/span><\/i>CJ Mahaney talks about how to intentionally romance your wife by becoming a student of her. Years ago, while reading his book, I kept a notepad about Jeanne. I noted all kinds of small things. <\/span>She needs new sunglasses. She loves getting her nails done, especially with a friend. She would hate that concert\u2026<\/span><\/i>
\nIt surprised me how rarely I thought about my wife until I actively wrote things down. If you\u2019ve been married for a while, consider the impact of the wow date. Maybe grab a notepad. It may be harder to romance someone you\u2019ve known for a long time, but it\u2019s also more rewarding. <\/span>
\n <\/p>\n

The Worship Factor<\/span><\/h4>\n

Despite our changing seasons of life, one thing is constant: \u201cUnless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain\u201d (Psalm 127:1). Fourteen years ago, Jeanne and I attended a conference where Louie Giglio spoke on investing your life in the eternal. We weren\u2019t even married yet\u2014just engaged\u2014but we experienced a life-changing moment together. While thousands of people were worshiping, we got on our knees and begged God to use our whole lives\u2014every ounce of our influence, passion, and energy. In that moment we were of one heart and mind, desperate not to waste our future together. Over the years we\u2019ve returned to that moment again and again as we make decisions, work through conflict, forgive, love, and serve.<\/span>
\nThe reality is, nothing brings greater intimacy to a marriage than unity in Christ. All the date nights in the world can\u2019t make up for a lack of supernatural power. His power has sustained our marriage when we were too weary to care. His kindness has led us to repentance when we were too arrogant to apologize. And if you surrender your marriage to Him, He will draw you back to your spouse, again and again, through the changing seasons of life.<\/span>
\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One of the scariest things about intimacy is that it\u2019s not inevitable. Two people can live together for decades, learn virtually everything about one another, and still not be intimate….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":80611,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[29],"post_folder":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-80455","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-uncategorized","8":"tag-oviedo"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nDating Your Spouse - Grace Church<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"One of the scariest things about intimacy is that it\u2019s not inevitable.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/discovergrace.com\/dating-your-spouse\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dating Your Spouse - 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