{"id":97274,"date":"2021-04-10T08:49:19","date_gmt":"2021-04-10T12:49:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/discovergrace.com\/?p=97274"},"modified":"2023-09-19T17:16:23","modified_gmt":"2023-09-19T21:16:23","slug":"for-angry-moms-only","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/discovergrace.com\/for-angry-moms-only\/","title":{"rendered":"For Angry Moms Only"},"content":{"rendered":"

I love my anger for one simple reason: It\u2019s effective. When I start barking, kids start moving. Excuses are silenced. Forts are dismantled. Toys disappear into closets like magic. I\u2019m like Mary Poppins, only instead of a spoonful of sugar I use pure, seething indignation. <\/span>Just a spoonful of fury makes the little ones pipe down!<\/span><\/i>
\nThen (of course) remorse.\u00a0<\/span>
\nShame.\u00a0<\/span>
\nRegret.\u00a0<\/span>
\nBut\u2026a spotless house. Is it worth it? Sometimes, in my weariest moments, I feel like it is. In the aftermath of an angry, frenzied cleaning, there\u2019s an instant swell of relief. Order has been restored. The sky is no longer falling. Doritos no longer crunching underfoot. Ah, tranquility.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The only way to wage war with sin is to own it. <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

But at what price?\u00a0<\/span>
\nThe moment passes. Doritos are re-spilled. Fights recommenced. Forts reconstructed. (Am I the only person who hates forts?) And then I see it \u2013 the mimicry of my own greatest flaws in these beautiful little people. Fits of temper just like mine. Selfishness. Impatience. My anger accomplishes my purposes, but turns out James was right: \u201cHuman anger does not accomplish God\u2019s righteousness\u201d (James 1:20).\u00a0<\/span>
\nIf you\u2019re reading this article, maybe you can relate. I tried to be intentional with the title \u2013 \u201cFor Angry Moms Only\u201d \u2013 because I wanted to carve out a safe space for us. This is not the place for innately patient moms who make homemade slime (with glitter! on white countertops!) just for fun.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>
\nThis article is for any mom who\u2019s ever been ashamed of her own temper, who secretly thinks, \u201cIf only others knew how awful I can be.\u201d It\u2019s for the mom who sometimes fears she\u2019s become the worst version of herself.<\/span>
\nAre you that mom? Me too.<\/span>
\nLast month, Pastor Mike talked about anger in an <\/span>article<\/span><\/a> he wrote on generational sin, and (sidebar) this is what I love about Christianity: At any moment your whole life can change. You\u2019re not destined to be the same person forever. In the time it takes to read this article, you can learn something that rewrites your story completely! You are not who you are. You are who you are becoming.\u00a0<\/span>
\nI stole those last two sentences from Pastor Mike. It\u2019s what he talks about in his article, and it\u2019s no exaggeration to say that article changed my life. It offered a solution I hadn\u2019t considered \u2013 leaning into my anger. Owning it. Becoming curious about it. For so long I\u2019ve viewed my anger as something to hide, avoid, and fear. It\u2019s been this monster that overpowers me.\u00a0<\/span>
\nRecently, I watched <\/span>Zach Snyder\u2019s Justice League<\/span><\/i>, and there\u2019s a scene where a monster appears in the Amazonian world (that\u2019s Wonder Woman\u2019s hometown, in case you need a refresher!) In a terrifying voice, he says, \u201cI have come to enlighten you to the great darkness. I will bathe in your fear.\u201d The Queen of the Amazons almost smiles. \u201cDaughters of Themyscira!\u201d She cries. \u201cShow him your fear!\u201d And all together, swords drawn and muscles glistening, the Amazons shout, “WE HAVE NO FEAR!\u201d Then they charge into battle.<\/span>
\nGosh, don\u2019t you love it?<\/span>
\nThis is the picture \u2013 that monster is my anger, and I\u2019m so afraid of it. Afraid it will wreck my kids and steal my legacy. So I refuse to face it. I rationalize it. Excuse it. But all I\u2019m really doing is feeding it.\u00a0<\/span>
\nLet me give you an example. The other day in the middle of a stressful morning, one of my kids said something about me \u2013 about my anger. It was unfiltered, crushing, and completely true. Of course, my go-to emotion was anger. <\/span>How dare she.\u00a0<\/span><\/i>
\nI felt like I was facing Zach Snyder\u2019s monster. I was being challenged to look my sin in the eyes, and all I wanted to do was run away. Deny my culpability, fire back a doubly hurtful comment, shield myself with impenetrable defensiveness. I knew that if I did any of those things, this child would back down. I would render her instantly contrite. But would she really feel contrition? Or shame?<\/span>
\nPastor Mike\u2019s article flickered in the back of my mind. <\/span>You are not who you are. You are who you are becoming.<\/span><\/i> So I said nothing. After school when everyone got out of the car, I asked her to hang back.\u00a0<\/span>
\n\u201cIs this about this morning?\u201d She asked.<\/span>
\n\u201cYes. Are you too big to sit on my lap?\u201d I asked.<\/span>
\n\u201cNo,\u201d she said.\u00a0<\/span>
\nCrammed behind the steering wheel with my daughter in my lap, I took a deep breath and faced the monster. (<\/span>We have no fear!)<\/span><\/i>
\n\u201cEverything you said this morning was true, and I don\u2019t blame you one bit for feeling the way that you do. I have a problem with anger. It\u2019s sinful, and I am so deeply sorry. Please forgive me.\u201d<\/span>
\nThe only way to wage war with sin is to own it. You know why we can say, \u201cWe have no fear\u201d? Because in Christ we are already forgiven. I John 4:18 says, \u201cThere is no fear in love because perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.\u201d\u00a0<\/span>
\nThere is no punishment coming for us because Jesus bore the punishment Himself. We are loved not only in spite of our failures, but all the more because of them. In his book <\/span>Gentle and Lowly<\/span><\/i>, Dane Ortland writes, \u201cWhen we feel as if our thoughts, words, and deeds are diminishing God\u2019s grace toward us, those sins and failures are in fact causing it to surge forward all the more. The sins of those who belong to God open the floodgates of His heart of compassion for us. The dam breaks. It is not our loveliness that wins His love. It is our unloveliness.\u201d\u00a0<\/span>
\nSo here\u2019s my challenge from one angry mom to another \u2013 the next time you come face to face with your sin in all its hideous dominion, remember the perfect love of God and tell yourself, \u201cI have no fear.\u201d Then own that sin. Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and confess it. And if you falter, think of me, sword raised beside you, fighting the very same battle.\u00a0<\/span>
\nYou can do it, sister. <\/span>We have no fear!<\/span><\/i>
\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I love my anger for one simple reason: It\u2019s effective. When I start barking, kids start moving. Excuses are silenced. Forts are dismantled. Toys disappear into closets like magic. 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