{"id":98655,"date":"2021-06-04T06:31:04","date_gmt":"2021-06-04T10:31:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/discovergrace.com\/?p=98655"},"modified":"2023-09-20T10:53:23","modified_gmt":"2023-09-20T14:53:23","slug":"ask-pastor-mike-how-to-break-bad-habits","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/discovergrace.com\/ask-pastor-mike-how-to-break-bad-habits\/","title":{"rendered":"Ask Pastor Mike: How to Break Bad Habits"},"content":{"rendered":"

Smoker? Shopaholic? Compulsive Candy Crusher? Pull up a chair as Pastor Mike talks about bad habits, addiction, and finding freedom.<\/span>
\nIs it wrong to find comfort in things outside of God?<\/b>
\nI actually don\u2019t think it\u2019s wrong to be comforted by something like food, for example. We live in a physical, material universe. I don\u2019t think God\u2019s like, \u201cI just want you to be an embodied spirit, and I\u2019m the only comfort in your life.\u201d The Bible says He blesses us richly with all things to enjoy (I Timothy 6:17). So if you look forward to eating a couple Oreos before bed \u2013 if that comforts you \u2013 that\u2019s fine. That in itself can be a grace to you from God, and ultimately you find comfort in Him if you thank Him for this grace. <\/span>
\nWhat\u2019s the difference between a bad habit and an addiction? <\/b>
\nThe line is when I can no longer give this up willingly, and it becomes destructive to my life. It\u2019s a matter of degree. So if you\u2019re enjoying a couple Oreos before bed, and one day you realize you\u2019re eating ten each night and gaining unhealthy weight, that\u2019s a bad habit. You need to exercise self-control. If you find that you can\u2019t stop, and your eating has become destructive to the rest of your life, then I would call it an addiction.<\/span>
\nHow do you break bad habits and addictions?<\/b>
\nThere\u2019s a pastor who lived centuries ago named Thomas Chalmers, and he preached on this concept called \u201cthe expulsive power of a new affection.\u201d Essentially what he taught is that you can\u2019t make a change in your life until you love something more than the thing you’re trying to stop. <\/span>
\nFor example, when you tell somebody to stop smoking, that\u2019s not helpful. Why? Because smoking makes a person feel better. It actually calms their nerves. It allows them to steady themselves. So despite the many messages about the damaging effects of smoking, many people will continue smoking because it makes them feel good. The only way to stop smoking is to come to a place where you want something else more than you want a cigarette \u2013 whether that \u201csomething” is better health, endurance, or to set an example for your kids. This “new affection” expels the bad habit.<\/span>
\nHow do you develop new affections?<\/b>
\nIn order for a new affection to take hold, there has to be pain in a person\u2019s life that rises to the level where they\u2019re willing to make a change. I remember sitting with an alcoholic in a counseling appointment, and I looked him straight in the face and said, \u201cHey man, you\u2019re gonna lose your wife over this.\u201d He said, \u201cI know and I want to stop, but I can\u2019t.\u201d I said to him, \u201cYou don\u2019t want to stop. You need to come to the realization that you want the next drink more than you want your wife or kids.\u201d He goes, \u201cThat\u2019s terrible. That\u2019s not who I am.\u201d And I\u2019m like, \u201cthat\u2019s exactly who you are, and it is terrible, but you don\u2019t truly believe that yet.\u201d And it took him a long time. He didn\u2019t change for several more years. <\/span>
\nThat\u2019s what\u2019s weird about the expulsive power of a new affection. Some people can hear a statement like that and immediately make a change \u2013 they\u2019ve just never made the connection before. Other people will get DUI\u2019s, lose their job, their family, and eventually some doctor will walk in the room and say, \u201cHey, if you drink any more,  you\u2019ll die,\u201d and they still won\u2019t change. But one thing everybody facing addiction has in common is that they choose to love something more than everything else in their life. <\/span>
\nSo is the answer to just \u201clove Jesus more\u201d? That seems simplistic.<\/b>
\nNo, it\u2019s not as simple as \u201cI wake up one day; I choose Jesus over alcohol.\u201d Although it is, in the sense that ultimately that will be the conclusion. There’s just a lot of steps in between. You have to realize that the problem you have is not really the problem. Your problem isn’t your addiction, or your drinking, or your sexuality. Your problem is something behind the problem.<\/span>
\nI counseled a woman once who couldn’t stop eating because she was sexually abused as a child, and in her mind she never wanted to be attractive to men ever again. Eating was a way of protecting herself. Then she became so out of control she couldn’t stop. So we didn\u2019t really talk about eating a whole lot. We talked about her heart and what it felt like to be sexually abused \u2013 to feel powerless, afraid, and ashamed.<\/span>
\nThese are the kinds of questions you have to face: <\/span>Why did I pick up this habit in the first place? What am I trying to cover up? What am I afraid of? <\/span><\/i>You can be just as addicted to exercise as you can to overeating. One is just socially acceptable, but both are spiritually damaging. If I can\u2019t stop exercising because I\u2019m afraid that if my physical self becomes diminished, then I\u2019m of no value, that\u2019s damaging to my life. So in counseling, we\u2019re going to look at those issues \u2013 <\/span>Why do you feel you\u2019re of no value if you\u2019re not super thin? Does God love you less if your waist is 36 inches instead of 22? <\/span><\/i>
\nYou see, to be enslaved to something is the natural condition of mankind because we\u2019re supposed to be bondservants of Christ. Romans 16:16 says, \u201cDon\u2019t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey.\u201d This is Paul\u2019s language of the \u201cdoula\u201d \u2013 the bondservant. So when I\u2019m enslaved, it better be to a good master. Because if it\u2019s not, I\u2019m not going to be free. I\u2019m going to be torn apart. The problem with the woman I counseled wasn\u2019t extra weight. It was that she offered herself as a slave to food as a way of solving her problem. And that solution hurt her. <\/span>
\nDid she ever change?<\/b>
\nShe did! It wasn\u2019t easy, but she eventually became much healthier physically and emotionally. The bottom line is, if you don\u2019t fill yourself with something better than the addiction you have, then you\u2019re never going to get rid of it. Romans 16 talks about this transference of slavery. Paul says, \u201cJust as you used to offer yourselves as slaves to impurity, so now offer yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to holiness\u201d (Romans 16:19). The question is, what am I offering myself to? And is it a good master?<\/span>
\nWant to learn more about Finding Freedom? Join us every Sunday <\/span><\/i>online<\/span><\/i><\/a> or at a <\/span><\/i>live campus<\/span><\/i><\/a> in Central Florida. <\/span><\/i> <\/span>
\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Smoker? Shopaholic? Compulsive Candy Crusher? Pull up a chair as Pastor Mike talks about bad habits, addiction, and finding freedom. Is it wrong to find comfort in things outside of…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":104593,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,98,46,103,106,38],"tags":[],"post_folder":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-98655","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-christian-life","8":"category-grace-church","9":"category-magazine","10":"category-qa","11":"category-spiritual-growth","12":"category-theology"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nAsk Pastor Mike: How to Break Bad Habits - Grace Church<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Smoker? Shopaholic? Compulsive Candy Crusher? 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